this is what i think of when i think of happiness
As I grow older, I am coming to realize that in order to be happy, you have to stop letting others determining your happiness. I am the kind of person who, when I care about someone ( whether it be friends, family, significant other), I will do absolutely anything for them. I will put their needs above my own, in order to guarantee that they are happy. This isn’t to say I am some kind of saint who always brings happiness to everyone around her. I can be irritable, unhelpful, and ungrateful sometimes too. But I really, truly care about the happiness of those around me. I like to think of this as mainly a positive thing. However, it has some not so wonderful consequences, as I have learned.
Not everyone is willing to return the favour.
And that’s 100% okay. No one owes me anything. I used to think they did. But now? Now I am the wiser. I do this by my own choice, it is a choice I make, and I cannot expect everyone to do the same all the time. Lowering your expectations is not the worst thing in the world sometimes.
However, for awhile I was really letting it get to me. I began relying on other people returning the favour in order to feel happiness myself. I was literally letting the choices other people make determine whether or not I was going to be happy that day.
And that’s just silly.
I am truly a believer in the idea that happiness is a choice. It is a choice you have to fight for everyday.( Thank you, Carrie. ) Sometimes ( and at some points of my life, most of the time) it is not the easier choice. It is a struggle, to allow yourself to be happy. To choose to take the best out of the negative things and turn them into something positive. Sometimes I lose that internal battle inside my head, and I lose sight of happiness for a bit. I let sadness, anxiety, and fear cloud the brightness. I’m human, it happens to the best of us, right? In fact, I think those not so wonderful feelings are necessary in order to really appreciate the wonderful feelings of true happiness. The most important thing I have learned is how to fight back against those negative feelings and let happiness break through those dark clouds. (Terribly cheesy analogy, I know)
The way I see it is, everyday I give myself a choice. If I feel myself getting pissed off about something, or if something shitty threatens to make my entire day turn shitty I think to myself:
“You can either let yourself feel crappy about this today. Or, you can choose to be happy, and let the shit go.”
I try to give myself some perspective, and realize that the tiny, mudane little annoyances that creep into my day really won’t matter in the long run. I’m never going to look back ten years from now and think ” Oh man, I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be happy so many days in a row!”
I seem to have gotten off my original track. The thing is, that choice I was talking about, the choice to be happy? Yeah, that choice is YOURS. YOU have to make that choice. You cannot let someone else make that choice for you. It’s disrepectful to yourself, and putting whoever you are letting make that choice for you on a pedestal they needn’t be put on. You cannot expect someone else to always have the time to make good choices for yourself, it is not their job. It’s yours. Make that choice for yourself, and then use it to help make others happy too.
It should be noted that when I say “you” here, I’m basically talking to myself. This is all just one big, rambly, word vomit reminder to myself to stop being such an idiot and BE HAPPY.
It also feels really good to have words flow out of my fingers for the first time in forever.
with that, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I love you. Be happy.
(I’m such a cheeseball, I can’t stand it. )