I’m hesitant to write about love. It’s personal, subjective and writing about it on the internet for anyone to see is kind of scary. However, my brain went into overdrive this morning, and whenever I get the urge to write (rarely), I roll with it. I’m not even sure what the point of this post is, it’s more so a jumble of words and thoughts.
Love has been a constant thought lingering in the back of my head recently. Maybe it is because it’s summer, and the idea of a summer love is appealing to any girl out there. Maybe it’s the abundance of wedding photos around blogland lately ( I may have almost cried scrolling through one set, they were so gorgeous). Maybe it’s because I stumbled across this video last week, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind ever since.
(ps: I recommend all the Ask Amy videos, while they are aimed towards younger teen girls, the advice Amy gives is applicable to anyone at any age. Love. )
My favorite part in that video is :
“ Vulnerability is the key to happiness. Vulnerable people are powerful people. Opening your heart and sharing it means that you’re gonna get so much love in your life. And it’s the way to true connection, and feel purpose and meaning in your life. “
Oof. As I turned this over and over in my mind, I realized how guarded I’ve been in the past. I’ve never been one for relationships, I’ve only ever had two true relationships, and neither lasted more than six months. I’ve always been the one to break it off, the one who runs away screaming when it came time to be vulnerable and open myself up to the guy. I’m notoriously known as the single girl in my group of friends, and I rarely discuss my [lack of] dating life with them. I cannot say that I have ever truly been “in love”. I love a lot of people, things and places in my life, not a day goes by where I don’t say “I love you” to atleast one person, and I mean it every single time I say it. However, no, I can’t say I’ve ever been in love.
I have been pessimistic about love for the longest time. Whenever people asked me if I had a boyfriend I politely responded no, while silently wanting to punch them in the mouth. It’s only recently that I’ve realized that the world won’t end if I allow someone to love me. Yes, there are people out there who may break my heart, but I have shut myself off from even the possibility of love so many times, I’ve missed out on so much. I’m also only twenty years old. I don’t know shit about love.
I look at my parents relationship with awe. They have been happily married for twenty five years, through beautiful moments and the not so beautiful moments, they’ve always come through stronger than ever. It’s the realization that, if I am lucky enough, I can eventually find someone that makes me as happy as they make each other.
I look forward to the day where I wake up in the morning, turn to the person beside me, and say “I love you.”